somewhat crafty

Goodbye

2011-07-10T16:38:00.000-07:00

I know I don't post here anymore and probably no one reads this but I'm posting to say "goodbye" the blog anyway.

Seems like a good time.

We've moved.

Goodbye Keizer. Oregon. Old crappy house. Friends. Neighbors.

Time to head back home. Closer to all the people we care about. Bigger and better things.

So, goodbye blog, goodbye internets, goodbye old life, and hello new life.

Best Birthday Ever

2011-02-28T15:21:00.000-08:00

I'm still recovering from the best weekend trip. I was invited to spend a weekend at the coast with a big group of friends, some long time and some newer to my life, to do as it was explained to me "whatever we want". Whatever we want resulted in drunken pajama dancing and loads of laughter. My throat and stomach were sore the next day from laughing so much.

It was a wonderful way to welcome in my 30s and I'm sure I'll have so many memories (or at least most of them) to remember for a very long time.

[Pictures withheld for the protection of the innocent and not so innocent]

With tears and laughter

2011-02-15T22:49:00.001-08:00

My little brother just sent me a copy of his will. It is full of his humor and generosity. It made me laugh a little but it mostly just clenched my heart.

I hope those words are never read in any official way. I couldn't take it. The world needs him in it. I need him around too.

Deployment

2011-02-10T22:01:00.001-08:00

My little brother is leaving in a few short days. He's going on a big ship into the even bigger Pacific ocean. I am trying to have faith that he will remain safe, that he will have a grand adventure, that he will not actually kill anyone.

I worry about his safety, of course, but I also worry that this experience will change him as it must but, that it will change him in a negative way. I worry he will come back so different that we won't know each other anymore.

He has a kind heart and is generous of his time, love, and gifting. I don't want war to harden his heart. I don't want him to have to live with the act of killing another person, enemy or not.

There is nothing I can do to change what will happen and for his sake I can only say positive and encouraging things. Here though, I can write the words I cannot speak.

May he be safe.

I make good soup

2010-10-21T12:49:00.000-07:00

I once over heard a friend say, "Megan makes good soup." At first I was slightly offended as if I could only make soup while she could produce baklava, homemade marshmallows, and fresh bagels at will. Then I thought about it and damn, she was right. I do make good soup. Often on the fly throwing in whatever sounds good to me. I take a recipe and kick it up a notch with something wonderful and flavor packed. A few favorites get made over and over like Tuscan Peasant Soup and Baked Potato Soup all of which get my own variations in the pot.

Then there is the vegetarian soup without a name that Shawn loves and requests over and over. We just call it "that mushroom noodle soup"

Here are the players:

Chicken broth or your favorite vegetable broth (I make my mine by saving bits and pieces of veggies in a bag in the freezer. It's different every time and delicious)

And Cock Sauce which you can find in most grocery stores or at an Asian food store which if you've not gone to the one nearest you take a field trip now!

Soy sauce or coconut aminos.
San-J Tamari works well for a gluten free option

About a pound of portabella mushrooms chopped or sliced into bite sized pieces, Pad Thai rice noodles (also very cheap at your Asian food store), 1/2 a large onion or 1 small onion chopped into medium sized pieces.

There are no specific directions so deal with it and experiment on your own!

Bring the chicken broth to a boil and while that is heating up add your chopped veg to a pan preheated to medium with a tablespoon or so of olive oil. Don't crowd your mushrooms and they will turn out nicely browned and not mushy.

Cook the noodles in the broth until done and serve in a bowl with a small amount of the broth. Add your veg and then the delicious sauce which is incredibly easy.

To a small bowl add soy sauce and as much Cock Sauce as you can stand. Add in a pinch of ginger or salt if you are using a lower sodium soy sauce.

Pour this over the noodles. Yes, it needs to be done separately not only because you can adjust the heat for each person but also because it's more fun to get a bowl of soup and add in your own sauce.

This is delicious topped with finely chopped scallions or garlic chives.

It also only takes about 10 minutes start to finish.

It's pretty simple with only 7 ingredients but it is flavor packed and hearty!

**Excuse the poor iphone pictures**

I Don’t Let My Kids Play With Playdough

2010-07-17T00:05:00.000-07:00

I play on my phone while they run around at the park. I put on headphones and listen to podcasts while they play nearby. I rarely sit on the floor and play toys with them. I sometimes feed them nitrates and fast food tacos too. I loose my temper and I yell. I ignore the dishes because it’s too hot out or in favor of knitting. I skip park days so I can sleep in or leisurely drink my coffee. All these faux pas and I don’t feel like a bad mom (well, not for those reasons anyway).

I see other parents sitting on the floor engaging in pretend play with their children and their toys but that is something I don’t do. Not because I don’t recognize the value of pretend play or don’t want to spend time with my kids though. I might have done some of that with my first child, it’s a bit hazy in a way that 9 years of sleep deprivation can create, but I very rarely have done that with my second and third children. I’ve played along to their games of pretend, certainly. I’ve sang silly songs with them, I’ve breastfed them for years each, accommodated their food allergies, fretted because their diet is not local and organic enough, read some books, occasionally sat down to paint watercolors, attempted to teach them to knit, and I take them places like science centers and libraries to entertain them but sitting for an hour lovely gazing at them while they play or playing with them on the floor really doesn’t pique my interest.

I could get philosophical and suggest that I’d hamper their own creativity and peer relations by playing with them but really that’s not the reason. When we go to a park I sometimes chase them around but more often I talk with other parents and encourage them to go off and play with other children. I go to the park to socialize with adults and hopefully wear my children out to just the right level that they will be a bit more docile when we get back home but not quite so much that they are whiny piles for the rest of the day.

Most of my day is centered around checking things off my To-Do list, getting everyone fed, dressed into clean if wrinkly clothes, breaking up fights between the three children, and hopefully fitting in some time to speak to my husband and get some time to myself too. I rarely accomplish everything I’d like to do on any given day and that is where I struggle with guilt (that and the yelling). I adore my children and care deeply about their futures as well as their ability to properly socialize and have “enrichment opportunities” but with three of them most days it’s just a struggle to keep everyone fed, dressed, and sane. There is a different dynamic when you have three kids. The parents I know with three or more have recognized this and we give each other knowing glances in the grocery store.

Adding a third child to our two children, one docile but strongly emotional and the other active and determined to get his way, brought a new level of chaos into our lives that doesn’t leave room for mommy guilt because I don’t read them 5 books each day or because some nights I hurry them into their beds and breath a deep sigh of relief to finally have a moment to myself (that is once I’ve spent an hour or more putting the youngest to sleep who is not surprisingly a personality twin to the active and determined older sibling). Each day feels like a big rush to fit it all in while keeping everyone happy and sane. I don’t have time to feel guilty about not allowing playdough, only joy that it is one substance I don’t have to vacuum daily from the dining room carpet.

In my kitchen

2010-05-26T23:59:00.000-07:00

there are:

beans soaking
sprouts soaking
two kinds of yogurt fermenting

I love that.

High needs

2010-03-05T13:39:00.000-08:00

People might look at my home or how much I'm online and assume I'm simply lazy or that I don't care about the state of my home. They would be wrong though. I love having a clean home, keeping my windows open, and having people over but my high needs child is keeping me from reaching those goals. I'm intensely frustrated by this too. I sit here (nursing said toddler and typing one handed) and see all that needs to be done and feel embarrassed and anxious. I feel extremely limited by my child. We eat far too much take-out, have few people over, loose patience far too often, and are limited by which invitations I can accept.

I spend most of my day mediating fights and doing things one handed so I can carry Ivy. Some people suggest carrying her on my back but she rarely wants to be in a carrier anymore (and I don't even have a comfortable back carrier). I end up with a sore back, tired arms, and mad. I know I shouldn't be mad because of my child but it is what I feel often these days.

I know part of the problem is that I'm overly tired and underfed and as well I rarely get time for myself. Most days I have only a few minutes in which I'm not touching and/or talking to one of my children.

Yes, I know this is a phase and soon we'll be on to something different but that doesn't help me right here and now. Right now I'm frustrated, I'm tired, and I need my child to let me lay her down alone while she sleeps and to do even a small portion of the things I ask without throwing a tantrum that I fear will dislocate her shoulder or cause a concussion.

I have perspective and know that there are far worse things that could be happening in my life and I'm thankful that they aren't happening to us right now. But please know that if you see me with greasy hair, or if I never invite you over, or if I seem short with my kids I'm not a jerk I'm just doing the best I can at that moment (or at least trying).

Wordless Wendesday

2010-02-24T18:39:00.001-08:00

It happened one day

2010-01-28T10:04:00.000-08:00

It was about 18 months ago (or has it been longer?) that we got the results of Amara's allergy test. It was both a shock and relief. I knew something was wrong and was happy that it was just an allergy. However, it was an allergy to gluten. At the time it seemed incredibly overwhelming because everything, it appeared, had gluten in it. We slowly learned to adapt crappy loaf of bread after blah loaf of bread until we found a nice stride.

Then I decided that my digestive discomforts deserved some investigation. As I suspected dairy was a problem for me but there was more. Just like Amara cranberries were off my list as well as garlic which was enough to bring me to tears, literally. I adapted because I could still have butter, cheddar, and cream since they were low in lactose.

Since I had allergies and Amara had allergies and Greyson had similar symptoms to Amara pre-gluten free plus he had some pretty bad eczema we decided to have him take a test too. His allergies were the same as Amara's but he had a few extra to throw in like egg whites, tuna, and peanuts which were advised to let him have only occasionally. This wasn't too bad and we found out that we really like Sunbutter, almond butter, and Nutella in place of the PB we did occasionally eat. We still used eggs but more sparingly, basically just in GF baking which really benefits from the proteins in the eggs so I'd often use just the yolk and replace the white with flax.

It only seemed logical that Shawn should be tested too. Afterall, any time he eats yeasty bread or has something with milk he feels awful after. He was really concerned that he might be allergic to something he really enjoys like chocolate or meat so he put off testing for a while but did eventually do it.

This week he got the results. Shawn is now vegan + meat, well, that's what I refer to him as in my mind. All dairy, eggs, yeast, and gluten are now out for him. Lucky guy can still eat soy though. I miss soy sauce (though I suppose I could get one of the cheap brands that is all wheat). Never one to want anyone in my family to miss out I spent a good portion of last night printing out recipes that would accommodate everyone in our family. I found a lot of recipes from reputable sources since there is nothing worse in the kitchen than making some expensive, time consuming recipe that you are really looking forward to eating and having it fail miserably.

Here is a list of what I found and I'd be happy to share (and I'd be happy to receive some recipes too!):

Cinnamon Crumb Cake
Quinoa Surprise Muffins (dried berries)
Raspberry Orange Muffins
Apple Crisp
Cookie Pie Crust
Breakfast Muffin
Basic Sweet Muffin
Brownie Bites
Gingerbread Pancakes
Crepes
Mini Pancakes
Russian Rock Cookies (spicy and "buttery")
Scandanavian Cardamon Cookies
Maple Date Cookies
Pumpkin Pie (crust and filling)

Basic Yeast Free Bean flour bread (to be turned into rolls, hamburger buns, sandwich bread, etc)
Orange Crumpets
Pizza Crust
Basic Muffins
Apple-Nut Butter Muffins
Caramel Rolls
Baking Powder Biscuits
Crackers (mock Hi Hos)
Graham Crackers

I've had a lot/nothing to say

2010-01-05T20:36:00.000-08:00

I'm not doing a resolution this year (as I'm always resolving to do better) but I am going to try harder. I'm going to try harder to be patient, try harder at this homeschool thing, try harder at the housewife parts, and now that I've got a job I'll get to balance that in the mix too and work harder at getting a career rolling.

Nothing much else to say so instead enjoy the photographic evidence of one perfect moment with my son.

Second Class Citizen

2009-12-03T14:07:00.000-08:00

No matter your gender, the color of your skin, your religion, your sexual identity, your age, or your profession if you are poor you are the lowest of the low. It's easy to forget the poor because they are too busy scraping by to speak up for themselves. It's easy to mistreat the poor because they lack resources to stand up for themselves. It's easy to judge the poor, afterall they probably did something to get themselves in that position to begin with and if they just worked harder, tried harder they would succeed. Right?

We are doing better than many. We live in a safe neighborhood, have food to eat, clothes to wear, we get to do fun things like buy a coffee or a cheeseburger pretty often but we are still officially poor. We get WIC. I happily accept it because saving the money on those eggs and milk and cereal means I have more money freed up for purchasing other types of food in a higher quality form. I prefer to do most of my shopping for WIC at Roth's because although I can't get organic milk I can get milk that is local and hormone free, same things with the eggs, and milk. Now that WIC is offering coupons for fruits and veggies I can get organic and local foods at Roth's too. I was pretty excited that WIC is now offering vouchers to cover fruits and veggies as well as brown rice, wheat bread, and/or corn tortillas. I carefully read the pamphlet about what is and is not covered and then do my shopping accordingly. Every now and then I get hassled. Last time it was that I couldn't get lentils because they were not a "bean". That time I asked for the manager and after much hemming and hawing as well as keeping the people behind me in line waiting I got my damn lentils.

Today our fourth stop was the Keizer Roth's. I picked out our veggies of organic onion, pineapple, Asian pears, and bananas then got the local eggs, some split peas, gluten free cereal, Lundberg short grain brown rice, and two bottles of apple mixed with other fruits juice (thinking that variety is good for us). As I checked out the kids were really starting to be done with shopping for the day and I was glad to reach the register. The young man behind the register said he'd never done WIC before and needed help. This took a while and Ivy started crying so I removed her from the cart. Greyson started wandering around while Amara asked me to buy her gum over and over. Eventually help came and then help said, "You can't get this juice. Do you want me to get you some plain apple juice?" I told her that I'd gotten Apple Cider last time and I wanted that.

Then the rice. They said I couldn't have that rice. I was rather short from wrestling with Ivy, asked Grey to come back over and over, and Amara's endless questions so I asked, "Why not? It's the right size, it's brown rice, and it's not organic. It meets the requirements." She said she'd look in the pamphlet. Then said, "It's because it's gluten free." I might have rolled my eyes and said, "All rice is gluten free." Then she said it wasn't basmati or jasmine. I explained that those were specialty rices and short grain brown rice is just basic rice. Then it was because the package said it was natural. I explained that didn't mean organic just that it was grown without pesticides and genetic engineering. At this point I was getting mad, that kind of mad that makes you want to cry. I said, "Look, I come here to get the healthiest possible things I can get for my family using the WIC vouchers. This rice is within the requirements." They wouldn't budge and gave me store brand long grain rice.

Then the woman that went to exchange the juice came back with plain apple juice and said that I couldn't get cider.

At this point I really did want to cry. I fought back my tears and bit my tongue. I really wanted to tell them to go to hell and leave the store without my purchases but I didn't want to have to shop with 3 tired kids all over again.

Now it was time for the vegetables. The trainee picked up my organic onions and said, "Organic?" If the manager had made a fuss about it at that point I do think I would have completely lost it. Luckily it was all smooth from there on out. I didn't make eye contact and mumbled the rest of the time as my food was bagged and taken to my car.

Today I felt like a second class citizen.

For anyone curious here are the eligible foods.

Birthdays

2009-12-02T09:25:00.000-08:00

There are a lot of birthdays coming up for the people in my life this month. December feels like a whirlwind month with Thanksgiving just over and Christmas coming up but I don't want anyone to miss out on a special day for celebrating their birth.

My birthday is in just about 2 months. I'll be 29. I feel wholly unprepared to be almost 30. I thought that at 30 I'd have it together. I thought I'd own a house, have a couple of cars, a career, money in the bank, be traveled and educated, and feel like a real adult. I don't have any of those things though.

I need to change my expectations. Life for me seems different than the life of my parents. My mom made different choices than me (partially from choice and I think partially they were good choices) and different options. My mom chose a career, a well paying one too. From that career she was able to afford a nice house, a couple of cars, several vacations a year, and really any reasonable thing she wanted. It certainly had it's costs though. She worked shift work and there were always a few days a week that she was completely exhausted and missed out on everything. Her mom cared for my siblings and me because my mom was unavailable to do so. She had a terrible marriage to an emotionally and verbally abusive man.

I think I'd rather take my 29 than hers. Even if I don't have a house of my own.

I've forgotten how to parent alone

2009-12-01T12:41:00.000-08:00

It's true. Shawn was home for a week but now he's back to work and I don't know what to do with myself. The kids are screaming all day long (and I'm contributing) and nothing is getting accomplished. You might wonder how it is that I'm posting a blog but that's easy because a teething toddler keeps me on the couch nursing her for hours at a time.

I really want my husband to come back home!

The day after the day after

2009-11-28T11:22:00.001-08:00

Now that the turkey haze has faded some I thought I'd share how my first totally solo Thanksgiving went.

As a child my bi-polar (and possibly other mental issues) step-father always made Thanksgiving. For many years he was a pilot and flew at night. He spent his days watch Graham Kerr and other chefs on TV (it was rather limited back then) and used his skills to try new recipes at home. That was the best part of him. We owned authentic Chinese bamboo steamers, woks, every pan imaginable with which we made 8 kinds of seafood jambalaya, from scratch crepes flambe, won tons filled with shrimp and chicken, Cornish game hens, and lots of really good pies.

Thanksgiving was from scratch. Delicious rolls brushed with melted butter and honey, an apple pie for Grandpa, a "cherries jubilee" pie for me made by Grandma, two pumpkin pies, cherry pie, and some sort of cream pie. There were all the usual accoutrements but only one thing came from a can - the cranberry jelly because that's how we liked it. I fondly remember the ridged can indentations on the jelly popping out one by one with the splooch as it landed on the fancy china.

This year there was no cranberry, canned or homemade. The kids and I have a mild allergy to cranberries. I didn't really miss them though if you had asked me in previous years what my favorite part was I would have told you that stuffing with cranberries was the highlight. There was still stuffing though.

Two loaves of "regular" bread (using Bette Hagman's 4 bean flour mix which only includes one bean flour but 3 other flours for a total of 4, tapioca, corn starch, and sorghum) and a pan of corn bread plus sauteed portabella mushrooms, onion, and celery with homemade stock, sage, and bits of butter for the top made our stuffing this year. It was a lot of work and not exactly like when I was a child but it was delicious and a wonderful new experience.

There were green beans but not the traditional mixed with a can of condensed soup and topped with canned dried onions (why do people keep making that dish? no one eats it) but my new version which will be kept and done not only at Thanksgiving. Bacon cooked until crispy and then onions and mushrooms sauteed together and tossed with the beans. Even my green bean disliking boy enjoyed these.

The turkeys of my childhood were massive affairs roasted for hours on end and basted every half hour. Mine was brined and roasted only 2 hours with butter above and below the skin and stuffed with lemons and herbs. Next time I'll brine longer and with more salt but it still was enjoyable. Next time I'll also follow my own intuition instead of waiting for the do-hicky to pop out.

The pies turned out better than any pies I've ever made before though they weren't perfect which leads me to want to try again and perfect them. The gluten free crust on the pumpkin pie was really good. Tender and light tasting. I'd really like to make a mock graham crust for next year as it is my preference for pumpkin pie. The wheat cherry pie crust was good too. The filling wasn't quite right because I bought black cherries as they were out of tart cherries. I adjusted the sugar so it wasn't too sweet but black cherries have a faint perfume like flavor which is great in a candle.

There were mashed potatoes and gravy, broccoli with cheese sauce, currant wine, and apple cider. The table was set with handmade placemats and napkins and an array of candles. It was a nice meal topped off with some couch lounging. We had a lovely day and I'm so glad we chose to spend it at home with just the 5 of us.

Check baby, check baby, 1, 2, 3

2009-11-25T17:30:00.000-08:00

Bread for dressing, check
Cornbread for dressing, check
Dressing precooked, check
Bacon for green beans, check
Big pumpkin pie, check
Mini pumpkin pies, check
Pumpkin bread, check
Turkey brining, check
Gravy, check

Still to do tonight:
Cherry pie, crust and filling
Clean it everything up!

Tomorrow's list:
Precook mashed potatoes
Sautee onions and portabella mushrooms for green beans
Steam broccoli
Cheese sauce for broccoli
Decide if I want to make sweet potatoes or not (as I'll likely be the only one to eat them)
Decide if I've got time to make rolls
Stuff and bake the turkey (lemon, rosemary, and thyme) then reheat precooks while it rests
Find the tablecloth
Reclean every damn thing
Find the candles
Clean the main rooms so I can feel like I can sit down and enjoy it all

But for now I'm going to sit on my ass while the pumpkin dishes bake and ignore the fact that I'm covered in flour!

Status updates you won't see

2009-11-24T20:51:00.000-08:00

Megan...

thinks gluten-free baking is not for the feint of heart
feels guilty for letting her kids watch the racist movie Aristocats
knows that it's not her fault but still feels bad
wishes she'd handled that better
has "The Ugly Bug Ball" stuck in her head
likes lumpy oatmeal

Can you see me now?

2009-11-24T08:37:00.001-08:00

Hey, hope that you all made it. The list is short for the protection of my family (those that don't know what that means should probably keep it that way, it's easier!). Lately, I've been hesitant to post anything of significance for fear of how the information would be used but at last I think I can be open.

I'm working on trust right now. I've always been a really open person and trusting of most anyone. I would sometimes ignore my own instincts and keep plowing ahead in my relationship with someone but that has come back to bite me again and again. I don't want to grow bitter nor jaded but clearly I need better balance.

Lately, I've been making a conscious effort to repair the damage that has been done to me. I'm choosing only quality people with whom to spend my time, people that improve that make me want to improve upon myself not those that bring me down.

I've got a great pool of people that I can spend time with and get to know even better. I feel terrible that some were ignored, or nearly so, in recent years while I wasted time with some who did not make me feel like a better person or want to be a better person. For that I am sorry. I think I've learned a long and painful lesson.

I have no idea what blogspot is doing

2009-10-31T10:48:00.000-07:00

and don't have the desire or energy to figure it out.

Enjoy the picture of the cute kid anyway.

Happy Halloween

2009-10-31T10:46:00.001-07:00

I'm not alright, you're not alright

2009-10-21T19:00:00.001-07:00

I struggle with self image like nearly every American, I'd guess. Those of us plugged into the media in the forms of TV, movies, magazines, newspapers, and/or radio have all got the message: Thin is Good. Thin is moral. Thin is the priority. Thin is healthy. Thin is the only form of beauty.

Thin is ever increasingly hard to obtain in our sedentary, high fructose corn syrup laden, fast food abundant, speed of light world. It makes me think of the Rubenesque beauties that were heralded for their voluptuousness perhaps because high calorie food was difficult to obtain and having extra flesh was a sign of wealth and prosperity (and I'm sure a nice way to stay warm in those drafty homes of the 16th century).

In celebrities we've got a few awesome men and women with some curves and rolls that show one can be chubby and healthy. One such celebrity that passes for fat is America Ferrera.

She's a lovely woman with beautiful skin, a warm smile, and a healthy and curvy body.

And here is the lovely Ms. Ferrera in a magazine shoot

What? Where are the lines on her neck? What happened to her cute freckles? Her soft arms? And did she get a breast enhancement?

Clearly not. She's been altered by the infamous air brushing that is rampant in every fashion magazine.

No wonder no one feels beautiful enough, good enough.

While strides are being made I still struggle with accepting who I am and what I look like. I don't expect to look like the magazines models (because I know they are fake) but it can be hard to get the logical side of my brain to link up with the emotional side. I know that beauty doesn't make a human being a quality person but the constant battering of thin imagery takes a conscientious decision to overcome. I'm still working on it each and every day and I know that I will for a long time to come. I hope that my daughters and son grow up stronger and more self assured than I am. The best I can do is try my best not to expose my children to this type of media until they are older and can process it better as well to not let them know about my unhealthy self image.

Neighbors

2009-10-17T10:22:00.000-07:00

Currently in the rain and thunder the man across the street is mowing his lawn. This isn't actually odd behavior for him. He seems to spend the majority of his time out of his home. I'm not sure if he just likes being outside or if the teens are getting to him. They clearly have teenagers though I couldn't say how many. There are always teens coming in and out of the house, sneaking around to the side to make out, and walking up and down the road. They aren't obnoxious but they are always there. Maybe the man is simply forced out by lack of space. He seems to spend hours a day putting things in and taking things out of his truck. He also mows the neighbors' yard on one side of him. At first I thought it was nice as she appeared to be a single mom but now I'm thinking that it's another excuse to keep out of his own home. Perhaps I should strike up a friendship and see how much lawn work I can get...

It's time...

2009-10-17T00:15:00.001-07:00

Tea time

Shawn and I have been having an affair since the Autumn weather has us feeling so cold. Even though we are devout coffee drinkers one cannot carry on with that much caffeine all day. To get past the evening (or morning, or afternoon) chill we've been consuming a lot of tea.

Pictured above is Organic Masala Chai in those wonderful triangular silk bags. This is some good tea. You can see the herbs and tea leaves in the bag not just some random fine dust. I know it's not a high end tea but it's delicious with a great aroma to boot.

The chai isn't our only dalliance, or at least not mine, I also adore the vanilla rooibos and peach and blueberry and a nice mint green tea to soothe an upset stomach (I just hope I can keep the Smooth Move boxed up).

Our new love has been encouraged in no small part by a new toy. We all know toys can spice things up but this one has not only made things more exciting but easier too.

His name is Capresso. A svelt Italian fellow that I couldn't recommend more. Capresso brings us boiling water in no time and has many uses. I flip the switch for my French press, for water to thin sauces, for oatmeal, and of course our several times daily tea. I've wanted this for a long time and am so glad that we finally brought it home.

My Ta-Da! List

2009-09-27T15:33:00.000-07:00

Inspired by another blogger I have decided to post a Ta-Da! List today. Instead of focusing on what I can't accomplish I'll focus on what I have done. I have figuratively worked my butt off (figuratively because my butt is unfortunately all still there) today.

1.Washed, folded, put away 4 tall baskets of laundry (Can you believe there is more to do?!)
2. Washed 2 drying rack full of dishes (more of those too)
3. Vacuumed living room, dining room, hallway, kids' room, and office (the living room and dining room need to be done again and I need to take the dust buster to the edges of all the rooms)
4. Picked up the living room and helped the kids do the dining room and their room
5. Reorganized my yarn bins
6. Hung lots of stuff on the walls
7. Made lunch, simple as it was
8. Sorted the clothes for the season change
9. Supervised the kids numerous chores
10. Organized the kids craft area
11. Sorted things for the swap
12. Nursed and diapered the baby many times over, of course
13. Sneezed a hundred times from all the dust (yesterday Shawn and I unpacked the garage)
14. Finally sewed the buttons on two knitted items that have been waiting months

And now Ivy is finally napping. She's been a patient girl, especially since she's teething, and has spent a lot of time cuddling and playing with daddy.

Once she wakes up I want to finish the dishes, clean my own room, and maybe if I have time clean the bathroom. The bathroom will probably have to wait till tomorrow along with the rest of the laundry and the vacuuming.

I do feel pretty satisfied with what I've done but would be a lot happier if my kitchen and bedroom are clean before I go to bed.

Want to post your Ta-Da! List?

To Do List

2009-09-17T07:12:00.000-07:00

As the water for the coffee is boiling and thus I'm not completely awake I thought I'd make up a list of what I need to accomplish today.

-Fold 4 loads of laundry (and ideally wash about that many more)
-Wash 2 sink fulls of dishes
-Vacuum the living room and dining room (who the hell thinks that carpet in a room for eating is a good idea?)
-Sew skirts for Julie, 20 or so I think
-Unpack books (yes, we still have lots that is not unpacked)
-Scrub the bathtub
-Turn the pears into pear sauce before they become compost

And of course make 3 meals from scratch, nurse the baby multiple times, do homeschool, break up fights, make snacks, change diapers, etc

And the other things which I would like to do but won't
-Make salsa (but of course I'd first need to clean the food processor that I got for free off Freecycle)
-Bake bread
-Unpack and organize the school box
-Clean the kids' room
-Steam clean the carpets (read about carpeting dining room above)

I just do not have enough time in the day or hands to get it all done. I need a clone.

Update: Right after I clicked "Publish" I heard the water boiling for the coffee. I had to pour it one handed since I was carrying Ivy so I put the French Press in the sink and poured the boiling water in then the press slipped and sent coffee grounds and boiling water across the kitchen. Luckily no one was burned except me but now I have to start the coffee ritual all over again. Awesome.

A Tuscan Meal

2009-09-06T13:45:00.000-07:00

This time of year my mind turns to soup and one of my favorites is perfectly timed with our CSA delivery and our garden output. The Tuscan Peasant Soup has been a favorite of mine for years.

Here is the original recipe:

Ingredients:

4 Italian sausages, mild, about 1 pound
1 celery stalk, diced
3 medium zucchini, thinly sliced
1 onion; small
3 cups beef stock
1 can (8 ounces) tomato sauce
2 teaspoons fresh basil, chopped or 1/2 teaspoon dry basil
1 salt and pepper to taste
1 parmesan, grated or romano

In a large skillet over medium heat, brown Italian sausages on all sides; slice sausages 1/2-inch thick rounds. Use non-stick cooking spray or a little vegetable oil if using turkey Italian sausage. Pour off excess fat. Add to skillet the celery, zucchini and onion. Saute 2 minutes longer, stirring. In crockpot, combine beef broth, tomato sauce, and basil. Add sausage and vegetable mixture; cover and cook on LOW for 3 1/2 to 4 1/2 hours. Add salt and pepper to taste.
Ladle soup into bowls and garnish with grated Parmesan cheese. Serve this hearty soup with garlic bread or crusty Italian bread.

I make variations of this in Fall. This year we used tomatoes from our garden to make the sauce, I skipped the celery, and slow cooked it overnight before adding the sausage. We use summer squash and zucchini and added onion. I used ground sausage and made meatballs.

We had this for lunch with sliced Tuscan melon from our CSA delivery.

Each time the soup turns differently each time but I recommend trying it with your own variations during the cool days of Fall.

From barely walking to running

2009-08-29T22:14:00.000-07:00

in 3 days

It seems that she doesn't realize that she's a baby. In another 3 days we fully expect that she will be climbing the bunk bed ladder.

Local. It's what's for dinner.

2009-08-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

or breakfast

Steamed kale topped with Russian banana fingerling potatoes, uncured Applegate Farms ham, lionsmane mushroom, and sweet onion, cherry tomatoes, and Tillamook cheddar cheese. Served with locally roasted coffee and Darigold creamer. Quite delicious.

It's also what's for snacks

This is our motley crew of rainbow carrots. I broke a few during harvest and we didn't get many white ones. We will be eating these fresh since most varieties turn orange during cooking. I definitely want to grow these again!

A few birthday photos of my boy

2009-08-18T17:47:00.002-07:00

A new bike

Playing with friends and cousins

Decorating cupcakes

And overall good time.

1, 2, 3, 4...

2009-08-18T17:47:00.001-07:00

1. I'm knitting a secret right now. Should be done by tomorrow. Hope s/he likes it.
2. We've eaten some form of Tex/Mex the last 3 nights in a row.
3. My kids are crazy but it's too hot to be outside.
4. I ate a bunch of Tootsie Rolls today. No justification for that either.
5. I really need a trip to the coast soon.
6. I have a lot of zucchini and need to figure out something to do with it all.

Even when you think you know better, you don't.

2009-08-09T15:37:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I acquired some lovely Eidos sock yarn at the Sock Summit which was marked "Charmides" though from looking at their website I think it looks more like 'Calliope'. I frustratingly wound it into a ball (my ball winder doesn't handle sock weight well and my swift is jenky) then cast on for Circle Socks which has been sitting in my queue for a really long time.

I thought I knew better than the designer so I'm frogging and starting again for the third time.

I'm upset at my own stupidity and bull headedness (yes, I realize that is not a word) and will accept condolences in the form of this, these, or this charming fellow.

It really is beautiful yarn so starting over is preferrable to tossing it into a forgotten corner.

Happy birthday my little Big Love

2009-08-05T21:55:00.000-07:00

Popsicles!

2009-08-03T22:32:00.001-07:00

Popsicles!
Originally uploaded by whitecalx

Blackberries

2009-08-03T22:31:00.001-07:00

Blackberries
Originally uploaded by whitecalx

Delicious days of Summer. Blackberry, blueberry, and kefir popsicles make for a cooling dessert.

Cleaning Music

2009-07-11T20:40:00.001-07:00

Eye twitching

2009-07-10T21:52:00.000-07:00

Eye twitching, or myokymia, is an involuntary eyelid muscle contraction that usually affects the lower eyelid. The exact cause of an eyelid twitch is unknown. A twitch sometimes develops during times of increased stress. Twitching has also been associated with high caffeine intake, fatigue or excessive squinting.

Stress - check
caffeine - check
fatigue - check

My perfect chai

2009-07-08T21:30:00.000-07:00

After realizing and being officially diagnosed with lactose and soy intolerance I've not had chai often because it pretty much only comes made with regular cow milk or soy milk. Last night and tonight I've made myself a perfect cup of chai.

This actually makes 2 cups

1.5 cups water
1.5 cups lactose free milk
2 bags of rooibos
big spoonful of honey
1/4 tsp of Shiba Sweet Spice

Heat it all up, let it steep and enjoy in your favorite cup!

How does your garden grow?

2009-07-06T20:30:00.000-07:00

Forgive the blurry pictures. Twilight has it's complications when photographing.

Pretty cucumber flowers

Hello Mr. Zucchini, I'll be eating you and your blossom in a few days

Our carrots like their snazzy ribbon

And the show offs of the garden, the heirloom lettuces

I need to do some weeding and fertilizing but things are looking tasty!

Only one month left

2009-07-05T10:08:00.000-07:00

Happy eleventh month birthday, darling!

Independence Day

2009-07-04T17:37:00.001-07:00

This year it holds special meaning for me as my brother is anything but independent at this time. He is nearing his third week of 13 in the Marines' Basic Training Program (commonly known as bootcamp). His letters to me haven't arrived yet but my mother has received a few in which he shares how thankful he is for the things he considered so mundane before bootcamp. He lives, breathes, eats, and poops as his Drill Instructor allows.

I'm proud of my brother for coming to his decision to join the Marines in a mature and thoughtful manner. I do wish he was here visiting me or at least at home but I respect his decision and hope he comes out a disciplined and mature man.

It's become part of my daily routine to write him a short note. I write him daily and then mail the notes in batches of 5 or so. I'm looking forward to getting mail back from him.

We miss you, Uncle Cam!

Looking for a deal

2009-07-03T11:45:00.000-07:00

May this photo serve to remind you to wipe off the top of your cans before opening them.

Shopping around used to be part of my grocery routine but with the third child that has somehow become nearly impossible.

It being scorching day and having heard of a particular sale decided to stop by the canned food outlet (I know some people have issues with the place but I can overlook a lot for a scorching hot deal).

I did indeed find the kids favorite sweet snack, Stretch Island Fruit Leather, as well as some other organics including tomato sauce and paste (for the pizza that the kids love eating), crushed pineapple (perhaps also for the pizza), 2 bags of really delicious chips in sea salt and rosemary flavors, and 4 frozen gluten free enchilada meals for easy dinner nights.

All in all some really good deals on the organic foods I prefer to feed my family.

Perhaps I should add canned foods back into my routine.

My routine is off

2009-07-02T23:40:00.000-07:00

Shawn is home today and tomorrow for a long holiday weekend so I'll be able to be more productive as well have a more peaceful day.

Each day I start out with one or another kid waking me up. This morning we got a late start and didn't get woken till 8am. I always prefer being woken up by a happy child than a demanding and cranky one. I got lucky today.

While the coffee was brewing I turned this (rack of clean and dried but not put away dishes not shown)

into this

By 8:30 I'm on here drinking my coffee and posting this which never could have happened normally but all three kids are in the other room with Shawn asking him question after question.

Today was the day of cooking. Banana pecan buckwheat mini muffins, french onion soup and cheese sandwiches for dipping, quesadillas for the kids, granola, and spaghetti sauce and meatballs both stuffed with hidden veggies.

this

into this

and now my sink looks like the photo above. All the tiny ones are falling asleep and soon I'll try to reinvent the kitchen once more since we are getting a really early start tomorrow.

I hope that you will stay nice and cool tomorrow and I'd love to hear about your day to day doings.

Routine

2009-07-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

So I'm doing the NaBloPoMo this month and the theme is Routine. This is fortunate for me as I'm trying to create new routines. When one has small children who grow and change so quickly changing routine frequently is necessary!

Tomorrow I'll regale you with my daily routine and it will have pictures (because pictures make even boring entries seem exciting!)

Until then check out these links to some sites that have tools and information that I enjoy making a part of my daily routine.

Motivated Moms chore lists and more
Gluten Free Cooking School great GF recipes that even the glutinous can enjoy
Balancing Everything a real family that incorporates creativity into their life and uses lots of real life solutions
Moxieclean for those needing someone to kick their butt into getting the house work done

See you tomorrow

Why I love him

2009-06-21T15:18:00.000-07:00

Pressure

2009-06-20T23:03:00.001-07:00

Pressure. Some of it is society induced but most of it is my own damn fault.

I carry a lot of worry and guilt. I need to let it go.

I can only do what I can do. Others have their limits too and I need to adjust my expectations. I need to take people as what they are right now not what I hope they could be. I need to stop worrying what others think of me. I need to say "no" sometimes and be clear about my expectations and needs.

I need to be more patient. I need to change. And I need you to hold me accountable.

I you notice that I am worrying needlessly or if I share guilty feelings or taking on too much or expecting too much from others - tell me to stop. These are lifelong habits and it will take time to break them. I do need to improve myself though. My family and friends deserve better as do I.

*the preceding was not directed at anyone in particular other than myself. Do not be offended (see there I go with the worrying and guilt again)!

The world is immensely unjust

2009-06-05T07:43:00.000-07:00

I didn't sleep for shit last night and am not sure when I will again. My head feels so full of thoughts. My neck is incredibly tight with tension.

My heart is broken for a dear friend. Her beautiful family could use prayers and good thoughts and all your love directed towards them.

Kiss your babies and count your blessings this day.

Grocery list for a gluten free family

2009-06-02T11:56:00.001-07:00

A couple people asked what kind of foods we eat now that we are gluten and lactose free (as well as avoiding soy, garlic, peanuts, citrus, and cranberries).

I already had and didn't purchase today:
milk (lactose free and regular whole for everyone else)
yogurt, kefir, and sour cream starter
a few varieties of dried beans
rice, millet, and oats
flours (brown rice, tapioca, potato starch, millet, sorghum)
some canned and frozen veggies and fruits as well as a few fresh like onions and carrots
spices, salt, broths, and condiments
frozen sausage
corn tortillas
eggs
various oils

Today I purchase the following for under $130 (at Winco)

Veggies and fruit:
2lb bag of baby greens
1lb of baby spinach
2 lbs of cameo apples
2 lbs of bananas
mango
1lb pears
frozen blueberries and blackberries, 1lb each
sage
1lb snap peas
head of broccoli
carrots
pico de gallo
baby portabellos
1lb baby red potatoes
tomatoes

Meat:
ground beef 4lbs
ground pork 2 lbs (pork and beef are to make meatballs for Amara's birthday)
sirloin steak
frozen chicken 4lbs
roastbeef and ham lunchmeat

Dairy:
vanilla and huckleberry yogurt (my kids don't like my homemade version)
cream
cheddar 2lbs

Dry goods:
1 box rice mac n cheese (bday lunch request)
corn chips
chex, oat O's, and shredded wheat cereals (for when I'm too tired to cook breakfast)
applesauce
wheat crackers
mini rice cakes
chocolate (to make the bday cake)
Asian rice crackers

Frozen:
Breakfast sandwiches (shawn takes these to work)
burritos (shawn takes these to work)

Other:
1 box sandwich bags
1 box freezer bags
plates and napkins for the bday party
paper towels (we use some in addition to mostly using cloth)
cheese cloth (to turn that yogurt and kefir into cream cheese)

This will last 2 weeks but we will need more greens and probably more fruit but my fridge can only hold so much plus greens aren't tasty for that long! Of course in 2 weeks we will be receiving our CSA and then this total will be less.

ETA: As I look at this it seems like a lot of meat but this will actually produce many meat free meals. Nearly all breakfasts are meat free, most lunches are meat free, but we usually have meat with dinner.

Thankful

2009-05-29T16:19:00.001-07:00

I live a pretty sweet life for all my complaining. I have a home that keeps my family safe, protected from the elements, allows for personal space and family space, and fits within our budget. I have a husband that is generous, thoughtful, and kind. He is a playful father and compassionate. He is a kind husband that rarely denies me anything. My children are healthy, intelligent, funny, and creative. I have extended family that loves and cares for my family and me. I have a few relatives I know I could call if I ever needed anything. My husband has a job that provides for our family's needs and many of our wants. Although my husband doesn't like his job most days he excels at his work and goes in day after day, year after year and does it to provide for our family. His job has been steady and generally accommodating. I have my own personal laptop, TV, books, yarn, fabric and sewing machines. I have plenty of clothes and personal items to make me feel good and comfortable.

Overall, it's a pretty blessed life. I am thankful.

Making gardening and healthy eating fun

2009-05-27T16:45:00.000-07:00

In an effort to spice up our eating and make it interesting for the kids (as well as save a bit on the budget) we are gardening this year. I've always heard that kids enjoy eating foods that they grow themselves plus we all know that fresh from the garden food tastes better and is healthier too.

I've got a few kinds of tomatoes, some heirloom lettuce, picking cukes, zucchini and herbs as well as our second year strawberries just waiting to go in the ground.

I also got some interesting things that I think the kids will enjoy which we will plant later this summer for Fall harvest.

I got a package of mixed colored carrots and purple broccoli. While it will be months before we taste these beauties I'm excited about trying them!

The kids have enjoyed getting down and dirty in the plot and I hope the positive energy stays with them through the season.

The whole gardening experience is new for me. It's hard work and we have a lot left to do but the anticipation keeps me going!

Mom has come and gone

2009-05-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

Her visit brought lots of fun for us all (and 11 skeins of yarn for me). The kids loved having their grandmother here to play and cuddle with as well as to have another adult that can make them breakfast at the crack of dawn. I loved having her here for company as well as having a live in laundress and dishwasher. I actually got to make a few nice meals this week. And as a highlight, I got to go to dinner alone with my husband!

Hope your flight home is easy, Mom. We'll miss you!

What's on your list today?

2009-05-19T12:45:00.001-07:00

Luckily, and thankfully to Darbie, there are a few things crossed off those lists.

However, this little one is slowing me down considerably.

If it doesn't all get done, it doesn't all get done. It's not even close to the worst thing in the world. I'll just do what I can do and be satisfied with that.

The cutest thing ever

2009-05-16T21:18:00.001-07:00

She chased it all over the living room.

My bedroom

2009-05-16T19:18:00.001-07:00

I know it's not really decorated and I'm cool with that. I'm happy with clean.

It's bad, huh? Two large baskets of clean clothes to be hung and put away (they've been ignored since we moved), 1 large basket worth of dirty clothes to be washed, various items on the floor, 2 boxes of bathroom stuff to be unpacked, and sheets to be changed as well as winter blankets that needed switching for summer weight.

Much better.

What did you do this weekend?

2009-05-11T14:25:00.000-07:00

We....

went to the coast

watched seals play and bask

which was fine as long as Ivy was held (Shawn also squinted a lot because he didn't wear his contacts.)

tested the waters

drew lines in the sand

let the ocean know who's boss

and flashed some people.

We also got some delightful drinks at a little place called Pirate Coffee Company in Depoe Bay. They roast their own beans there and have a great selection and some really unique selections. We insist that you try it.

On this day meant for honoring mothers

2009-05-10T19:15:00.000-07:00

my heart goes out to the mothers who aren't mothers yet, who were mothers for too short of a time, to those who's mother has passed, and to those who's mother was never really there. May your heart heal. May you feel loved and appreciated.

She's so right

2009-05-04T08:08:00.000-07:00

Natalie hit it on the nose.

Bring by the sunny yet cool days!

Lists

2009-04-21T16:02:00.000-07:00

-It's hot. Makes me appreciate the cool weather
-The kids love the yard but it needs some work. How do you keep kids from blowing on the dandelions?
-The bathrooms are funky and I'll have to see what I can do to accept it
-I'm not sure how to set up the kitchen. I'll need to live with it a bit and see how it will work best
-I love the big dining room and see lots of potential there
-I'm tired of fast food. I need to get my kitchen running at least in a basic way
-I look forward to blooming flowers and learning to garden
-I look forward to BBQing
-I've got a lot of unpacking and organizing but I'd rather veg out instead

How to buy some time

2009-04-14T10:19:00.000-07:00

Take one cute baby that insists she's ready to stand and walk (but isn't!)

And place two teething tablets on the floor.

She will be so thrilled to grab at tiny things on the floor that she will be delighted with her activity long enough to let you get somethings done.

Like dust. Yuck.

Or even write a blog.

More moving thoughts

2009-04-13T12:09:00.000-07:00

I’m sick. Sore throat and coughing. All that junk. Hoping I’ll get over it quick and get ready for the move.

Things are stressful on that end as moving always tends to be but they are coming together nicely.

We have a lot of generous people coming to help us move. We also have some great friends who are giving a lot of things that we need for the new place. We are being loaned a push mower. We are possibly getting a freezer (for all that frozen jam and veggies I hope to produce this summer). Shawn’s dad is giving us several garage shelving units so I can store lots in the garage and hopefully keep our new place clutter free. We have received a few generous offers of paint so we can paint the bathrooms (which need it badly!) and maybe add color a few other places. Shawn’s dad gave him a few tools to borrow too so we can get some of these projects done too.

There are a few other things we still need though. We need paint brushes and supplies for painting like tape and tarp and anything else one uses for painting. A really large rug to go under the dining room table (why, for the love of all that is holy do people put carpet in dining rooms?!). Rakes and shovels are also on the list of needs but can wait a bit.

And there are some things I want as well like gardening tools and a can/device for composting. Outdoor play things for the kids like a slide or swings and definitely a kiddy pool. A hammock would be lovely as I’ve got some really nice childhood memories of whiling away my summers on a hammock under a shady tree. I’d also like a work bench for Shawn to use in the garage. He’d be a wood worker if he could, I think. A sweet friend gave me a flower last week for our new home. She says that she also has tomato starts to share. Other friends have offered seeds and starts for flowers and herbs as well.

I’m eager to put it all together and get going on this new adventure. I know our kids will be happier people if they get to play outside. I know Shawn and I will be happier people if our kids get to burn their energy off outside. This is a stressful thing but a good thing.

Old Men of Salem:

2009-04-11T15:46:00.000-07:00

Please stop asking me, "Which aisle did you find that on?" in regards to my baby.

It's not funny, it's creepy, and it's not original (note "Men" in the title). I always smiles and play along telling you that she's "Special Order" but my first instinct is to give you a nasty look.

Just tell me she's darling or sweet. In fact a smile for all my children is just fine.

We are moving

2009-04-05T17:38:00.000-07:00

and while I hate moving there are so many positive things that I'm really excited.

The house

is old but we are looking forward to a big back yard

We want to plant a few things and put up a clothesline. The kids are looking forward to having a place to play outdoors. We hope to get a slide or swing set for them. I definitely plan to get them a kiddie pool.

It has a woodstove

So we can enjoy wood heat this winter.

The 2 car garage and linen closet offer storage that I've missed for 2 years.

Overall I'm looking forward to what's coming for us (I only wish that Shawn and I both weren't such procrastinators!)

Just a question

2009-03-29T10:31:00.001-07:00

I'm all about doing the right thing for Mama Earth but I do have to wonder how much energy is used to make candles and whether that is less than the energy saved by turning off all our lights and unnecessary appliances for Earth Hour.

I get that big things like Earth Hour and Race for the Cure are attention grabbers but it seems like a better idea is to convince people to turn off extra things all the time and give money to for cancer research without spending a bunch extra on advertisement and t-shirts and events.

Can't we just do the right thing because it's the right thing? Is it necessary to have a gimmick to get people to do the right thing?

Things come in threes, right?

2009-03-21T17:59:00.000-07:00

Right? So we are done.

It started over a week ago with a sicky baby wheezing and crying all night long. None of the big people got any sleep at all. A visit to the fabulous Nurse Practitioner and we came home with prescriptions for steroids and a nebulizer. Six days later things were looking up and a tooth popped through.

The same night baby girl improved big brother woke up coughing and choking. He ended up with a terrible death rattle like wheeze that kept both of the big people awake all night for fear he'd stop breathing. While still he still has a scratchy voice he's been fine since the morning after.

The following night the biggest of the little ones was crying, whining (and apologizing for whining), and complaining of a painful ear. After several doses of homeopathic pulsatilla pus came running out of her ear and she felt better.

So tonight we should all get a wonderful night of sleep, right? That is if the second torturous tooth breaking through will give us a chance.

Are you ready to be honest?

2009-03-20T12:08:00.000-07:00

She is. I'm not that brave yet.

For the record

2009-03-17T10:24:00.001-07:00

Having a sick baby sucks.

Strawberries

2009-03-14T15:15:00.000-07:00

So last year we were given some hanging baskets of strawberries. It was Amara's project and she loved it. The buggers survived the winter outside. Now what do I do with them?

Pull of the dead leaves, I guess. Anything else?

Sock Magic

2009-03-10T22:28:00.000-07:00

I've been knitting socks for a while now. Each time it's sort of magic. These twists and turns with string turn into a sock.

It's really amazing.

This time I'm doing toe up. I'm not sure why this took me so long! I love it. When the toe started to form I was a little giddy.

I've been holding onto this yarn a while so I'm really excited to see this come together. So far I'm liking the colors and that the pooling and flashing is minimum.

YOU need to learn to knit socks too and come with me to Sock Summit.

Rushing

2009-03-09T09:51:00.000-07:00

There has been a lot of running here and there in my life recently. I feel like I can't complete one task start to finish. At this moment Ivy is sitting happily in a laundry basket. Normally I can't put her down. She's become an expert at locking her legs when we try to sit her on the floor. She screams if left alone or if she's not being held by me or her dad. So I'll take these precious few moments to tell you about a couple of things I've been up to (and I'll ask you to forgive the bad grammar and poor thought placed into this blog). Enjoy the pictures!

A baby that is too big for her britches

Wise and funny mentors

A wonderful mama and new co-leader

Crappy photos of socks for Easter

A Marines theme gift for my brother

A delicious party

And lots more but Ivy gave up the basket about 6 pictures ago. Back to my rushing!

Let them eat cake!

2009-02-27T23:19:00.000-08:00

(You know that Marie Antoinette didn't actually say that, right?)

It's 11:18 PM and my first batch of cupcakes has 9 minutes left on the oven timer. I had to wait until now so they would be fresh enough for the party tomorrow but cool enough to frost tomorrow.

I'm making vanilla cupcakes from "Gluten Free Desserts" which I made last month to bring for Amara at Clementine's birthday. They are pretty tasty and I hope that everyone enjoys them. I'm using some of my vanilla paste in the frosting.

Until a few weeks ago I didn't know of vanilla paste. Jacob illuminated the subject for me.

I ordered some vanilla beans for a killer price and was talking with Jacob about them. He asked what I would do with them and I told him that I was thinking of making vanilla sugar (you put the beans in granulated sugar to flavor it). He tells me in his serious voice (if you know him you know the one), "Now, here is what you do. First you soak them in alcohol, like vodka, for a week or more. Then you cut off the ends and squeeze out the vanilla paste. And then you put the empty pods in the sugar."

Genius.

There are just some people you listen to when they have opinions on certain subjects. When B tells you the best way to grow a tomato you know it's the honest truth, if Chey tells you how to use a mop then you know it's the best and most efficient way, if Gab says that a piece of art is gorgeous you know that it must be, if Darbie tells you where to get a tattoo then you know it's the best place, and so on...some people know their stuff (whilst I know just a little about a lot of things but stand ready to be corrected).

So my bean pods have been soaking for 3 or so weeks now. I finally decided that I would use the bean paste for the frosting on these cupcakes. I made quite a mess of it but my extract is in 2 baby food jars, my paste in the frosting waiting for its cake, and my pods are in the sugar adding some flavor. I made quite a mess and wish I had Jacob's huge man hands to help me do it the right way but I think it's all worked out well. That frosting sure does look delicious with those beautiful tiny flecks of vanilla swirled throughout!

Time for the next batch to go into the oven.

Who am I and what happened to me?

2009-02-22T08:22:00.001-08:00

Last night as I drove my three children home from their grandparents home (daddy was still resting up at home from his "procedure") I talked with my mom on the phone. After her divorce she is having a hard time figuring out who she is now. For more than two decades her life has revolved around my step-dad's mental illness. She's not had time for herself or anyone beyond her immediate family. Now she finds herself with only one child left at home who will shortly be leaving for Marine bootcamp. She has more time for herself but isn't sure how to use it. She's not sure who she is. Nearly 49 and she finally has time to reflect upon herself but she has no idea where to start.

I don't want that to be me.

I turned 28 this month and am definitely in a different place than I ever thought I'd be. As a teen I vowed I wouldn't have children. My mom and step-dad had two children that I often was stuck caring for because my step-dad was bipolar and his illness was uncontrolled. I disliked that experience so much that I thought I would never want to have children of my own. Then after high school I met Shawn. I fell for him hard and fast. We both immediately started seeing our future and in his mind that included children. I adopted his vision then starting romanticizing having children with him. Within two years of our marriage our first child was born and they've been coming regular like every three years. Now we have three children and our family is complete.

I've moved from confused teen that grew up in a mentally unhealthy home to married and then child after child. I'm not all that sure who I really am at this point. My philosophies about life have changed, my religious views have changed, my politics have changed. I'm a completely different person than I was 10 years ago. Will I be a completely different person in another 10 years?

I hope I won't be completely different. There are definitely areas I want to work on (most of them would be covered by a bathing suit if I actually wore one) and hope that 10 years from now I'll look back at this as a transitional time with fondness.

Cheese is good

2009-02-20T19:33:00.000-08:00

(Gab do you still have that bumpersticker?)

I love cheese. Really love it. It's what truly keeps me from being vegan. And Brie? Well that is just awesome. We have a family tradition that Monday is Family Night during which we eat snack foods and play games. I try to incorporate new foods each week. The kids haven't tried brie yet but they will now that Ile de France has a free cheese offer. Check it out and get yourself some brie, goat cheese, or camembert.

I want these

2009-02-16T23:08:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday to me.

2009-02-01T22:46:00.001-08:00

As an early birthday present my husband made me a delicious dinner Saturday night. He prepared lemon pepper chicken with mashed potatoes and peas. He even made gravy from scratch for the first time. It was very tasty! I'm looking forward to the leftovers tomorrow for lunch.

He also gave me my gifts early (we tend to do that a lot).

A beautiful yarn bowl

The yarn in the bowl is for some socks I'm making him.

And this lovely necklace

These are both handmade items purchased from Etsy. I love that he picked such thoughtful gifts and that they are handmade. I really appreciate handmade items as I understand the effort and care that goes into making things yourself.

Thank you, Shawn. It was a lovely day even though my head was congested and my nose was running.

Is this why I can't get any crafty things done?

2009-01-30T10:28:00.000-08:00

This is my kitchen this morning

That is also what it looked like yesterday morning. Now imagine the opposite and that is what it looked like just before I cleaned it and what it will look like by dinner time.

Please tell me it gets better when the kids are older and can clean up after themselves.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear

2009-01-29T15:29:00.000-08:00

but a gift basket from Hyland's!

I sent them an email last week to let them know how much we appreciate their products as the teething tablets have been wonderful for our kids. We also have had excellent luck with the Calmes Forte for Kids when Amara had night terrors as a toddler.

The basket couldn't have come at a better time as both my girls woke up with sniffly noses and the basket contains Sniffles 'n Sneezes 4 Kids. It also contains Cold Relief with Zinc, Cold 'n Cough, Complete Flu Care, and Calmes Forte.

It was a delightful surprise.

Good mornin' to you

2009-01-29T08:11:00.000-08:00

If you've ever wondered what Chez Megan looks like at breakfast time then here is your sneak peek.

As you can see its rather dark and blurry.

That would be a coffee in my gorgeous mug on the left (cream and no sugar), a sock for Shawn in the back, my phone in case anyone texts me (unlimited texts, ya'll), and some sausage with banana pecan muffins (also note the unfolded laundry peeking out from behind the laptop).

I'm trying to make breakfast more of a priority and to make it something somewhat decent. Yesterday I failed. I woke with the worst headache that made me sensitive to all noise and movement. I became a snarling she wolf and generally made it a bad day for everyone. I did an exercise while waiting in the car to pick up Shawn. I picked up a falling apart journal that I use for random thoughts, doodles, and shopping lists but this time I took a page per child and wrote some things about them that I appreciate. I won't type it all out here but I will say that this changed my perceptions a lot. Eating seemed to help too. Today I'm making a better effort to keep myself hydrated and fed. I can let the laundry go but I can't let my health go. I tend to think of health as some far of consequence for the things I do now but its clear that it affects me here and now as well.

Handmade giftiness

2009-01-26T11:46:00.000-08:00

I'm doing my very best to make as many homemade gifts as possible this year. That means I'm starting *now* for Christmas gifts. I'm hoping to create a nice stash of giftables to pick from as birthdays and other gifty occasions come around.

To kick this off right I'm doing a giveaway. It has a few rules:

1. The first 3 people to post to this blog will get a gift from me.
2. It will be homemade and hopefully something you will like, no guarantees.
3. You must in turn make something for me :)
4. And you must post this to your blog.

Kitchen disasters

2009-01-23T14:32:00.000-08:00

B and Jacob often post their delightful culinary delights. I, too, on occasion have shared some of mine (though less delightful than theirs mine might be). Lately though, I'm having nothing but bad luck in the kitchen. I used to be able to make it all up and have it taste delicious. Like knitting patterns, I made it up as I went along and it turned out alright and often tasty enough to be an addition to the regular rotation.

As of late I've made yummy smelling chicken soup in the crock pot that were ruined by the early addition of rice noodles (turns out that they can't withstand long cooking times like wheat noodles), as well as a whole roast chicken that turned out dry and salty even though it was cooked like every other roast chicken I've ever made, and today soap. Yes, soap. I ruined some soap but hopefully didn't ruin any kitchen implements.

My crafty and thoughtful sister-in-law has a birthday coming up very soon. Last night I knit her a beautiful flower shaped face cloth from some heavenly hand dyed, fair trade, Chilean cotton. I thought that the addition of a piece of soap would be quite nice. I *thought* I remembered reading about shredding a bar of soap and then pouring it in a mold to recreate it. So I pulled out a bar of plain soap and got to shredding (it and my fingertips as usual). I put it in a glass jar and added in some expensive vanilla, tangerine, and lavendar essential oils along with a bit of olive oil, dried flowers, and oatmeal. I put it in a pot of boiling water to create a double boiler. After waiting for 5 minutes the soap was still quite solid. So after burning myself quite badly on steam I thought the microwave might work better. This is where it gets bad. I put it in for two minutes and then checked on it after the first minute elapsed. There is a reason why they say that essential oils are caustic when heated. Its because they are.

I now have a microwave covered in shredded soap, oils, and little dried flowers as well as burning eyes and an overtaxed nose. I admit that I just shut the door and walked away to nurse my burned fingers and hurt self esteem. It might just be time for some dinner I can't screw up (Hello, quesadillas) and some more knitting.

I like

2009-01-16T23:45:00.000-08:00

paintings of trees

Books bound creatively

Coffee mugs with texture

Things in tiny glass jars

This tiny snail

Embossed leather

The four seasons

Vintage flatwear

Old keys

And spending lots of time on etsy apparently.

5 months

2009-01-06T09:38:00.000-08:00

5 months has brought us:

teething with a vengeance
a new cry that is as funny as it is sad
trying out new sounds including a scary growl, high squeaks, and lots of babbling
scooting along the floor
a visit from Uncle Cam

Be careful what you wish for

2008-12-31T16:45:00.000-08:00

Remember me whining about being tired of going places and just wanting a vacation from going places? Well, we did get that big ice and snow storm.

And I've often day dreamed about finding a way to replace my kids' carseats with nice models that are just out of reach from our budget. On Christmas Eve we were rear ended, quite gently actually, just enough to crack the back bumper. The at fault insurance wants to replace our carseats.

I'm starting to worry that if I keep making wishes that they will continue to keep getting answered in really bad ways.

So my New Year's wish is for the health and safety of my family. Try to mess with that one fate (or rather don't. I'm not sure I want to piss fate off).

Things about snow.

2008-12-23T23:26:00.001-08:00

I love the look of the houses covered in snow lit with white lights. The trees dipping with the weight of ice.

The man cross country skiing down my road was worth a second look.

The old man down the street scrapping every bit of snow off his driveway but ignoring the sidewalks has me puzzled.

Just don't go over 25mph and its not so bad. I only had to remember how from 7 years ago the last time I drove on snow.

I still like to play in it even though I'm pushing 30.

I love seeing the magic of it through my kids' eyes.

Have a wonderful Christmas.

What did I make for Christmas gifts?

2008-12-22T13:24:00.000-08:00

To Do List

2008-12-19T19:01:00.001-08:00

for Christmas that is. Being snowed in you'd think I would have made a sizeable dent in my To Do List.

Finish up a few kitchen cloths for relatives
Find the picture ornaments I had made
Wrap and package gifts to be mailed
Wrap gifts for our household and that are local
Go through my checklist once again to make sure I've not forgotten anyone
Make a shopping list and shop
Bake goodies
Make food for Christmas day
Buy mini muffin tins for mini pecan pies
Make a cleaning list for my entire home as my brother is coming to visit
Accomplish said cleaning list

And I still have lofty ideas of sewing fabric wrapping "paper". Its a great idea but it might have to wait till next year.

Pamela

2008-12-19T09:40:00.000-08:00

Pamela. She is been there for 2 of the most important and transformative moments of my life.

Through her I've met all of my close friends. Because of her I learned another way and began to trust myself. She's the kind of person you can call at 2am if you need help and you know she will be there. Her sense of humor is dark and rather hilarious. Her sense of style is enviable.

Mostly I'm so glad that I met her and still have her in my life.

Happy Birthday to the only one of my friends that has seen my bits (and still speaks to me).

Gluten Free Molasses cookies

2008-12-18T10:47:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite things to make in the Fall and Winter are molasses cookies. A few years ago an old friend shared her grandmother's recipe. I sent some with Shawn to work a couple of months ago and apparently he shared and his co workers continued to talk about them months later. So I made some up for him to take as Christmas gifts. But Amara was sad that she couldn't have any.

I set to work to create a recipe that we could all enjoy. These are close but not quite right (the original are more chewy like a brownie while these are cakey).

(Picture to come, my computer is not cooperating)

Ingredients:

3/4 cup softened butter or coconut oil
1 cup brown sugar

1/4 cup Brier Rabbit Full Flavored Molasses
2 eggs

1 cup plus 2-3 Tablespoons rice flour mix (2 parts brown rice flour, 2/3 part potato starch, 1/3 part tapioca flour)
1 cup sorghum flour
1 teaspoon xanthan gum
1 Tablespoon egg replacer
2 teaspoons baking soda
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger

granulated sugar

In a large bowl, with mixer at low speed beat together butter and 1 cup sugar until creamy. Add molasses and eggs, beating until well blended. In a medium bowl, blend very thoroughly flours, baking soda, xanthan gum, egg replacer, cinnamon, salt, cloves and ginger. Add to molasses mixture, mix well. Cover and chill.
Drop 1 Tablespoon of dough on non stick cookie sheets about 2 inches apart, sprinkle with granulated sugar (these spread so do only 1 T of dough). If you need to do several batches refrigerate the dough and let the cookie sheet cool in between. Bake at 375 degrees for 7 minutes or until golden brown. Let stand 3-5 minute. Remove cookies to wire rack to cool. If you can let them sit out overnight they will continue to firm up and be even better.

Obligatory snow day pictures or how to keep warm

2008-12-16T09:54:00.000-08:00

Sleep with your brother/sister for body warmth

Eat yummy GF Eggnog pancakes

Laugh until your stomach hurts

Knit socks

Wear handknit socks

Or give it all up for some double hatted snowball fun.

Followed by some warm cider and naps to get warm again.

Hope you are safe in this icy weather and making the most of it.

I need a vacation

2008-12-12T07:28:00.000-08:00

I need a few days in which I don't go anywhere and I don't do anything. Especially the don't go anywhere part. Hauling 3 kids in and out of cars, stores, and various other places is taxing. I thought I might get a day this week in which I didn't go anywhere but it didn't happen.

I'd also love it if during these vacation days I didn't have to do anything at all. If I could just sit and read or watch a movie and not feel a shred of guilt about it. I know that anyone who's been to my place is probably thinking, "Isn't that what you do every day? It sure looks like it." In reality I'm always running laundry, doing dishes, picking up toys and crap off the floor. I'm just not fast enough. Most days the 3 year old resembles that spinning Tasmanian devil. And the 6 year old while willing to pick up doesn't do it without specific direction.

I just want a few simple days of blissful rest. Based on my calculations I've got at minimum 17 years 8 months before I can expect any rest. I'll mark it on my calendar.

Karen

2008-12-11T12:28:00.000-08:00

My Karen. At least I feel that way. Karen, is kindness personified. She is there when you need her (even postponing a family outing to take care of one's kids!) and always willing to listen. She can make anyone laugh and always laughs at your jokes too. She's the kind of person that makes one feel special and important.

I am so glad that Karen is my friend. My life is happier, funnier, and just better because she's in it.

Happy Birthday, my dear!

Jacob

2008-12-10T17:21:00.000-08:00

There are many things about Jacob which make me jealous. Look at the curls! Very envious of those. The secret family recipe for the the rolls. I'm so jealous of those that I'm secretly (or not so secretly) contemplating finding a way to break into his house and steal it. They are that good.

There are things I appreciate about him too. His biscotti, appetizers, side dishes, main dishes, to-die-for chocolate chip cookies, and mouth watering cupcakes. His dry sense of humor leaves me in stitches. But most of all his sincerity is what I appreciate. No one is as eloquent at telling it the way it is but with generosity and kindness.

Jacob, I hope that by the time you read this you've had an excellent birthday and know how much we all appreciate you.

What's on your Christmas menu?

2008-12-07T20:23:00.000-08:00

My mother-in-law is making a beef roast and asked me if I wanted to come up with some unique things to have with dinner, something beyond the usual suspects.

So I'll be making, all gluten free of course, these yummies:

Portabella Mushroom Stuffing

Potato Leek Gratin

Cheesecake, probably with a chocolate crust and perhaps strawberry compote

And I might make this gem but then again I might keep it all to myself.

photo courtesy of ya ma

I grew up in Missouri where these were considered something near weeds!?! I never had a persimmon until moving away from Missouri and I am sad for all the years I missed out.

I'm looking forward to Christmas dinner this year.

Fully Mine

2008-12-03T11:21:00.000-08:00

I hold her. I can hold her head to toe in my arms. Not so long ago I held her head to toe inside of me. I hold her cheek to cheek and smell her breath. I inhale deeply to breath her in. I feel every sweet wrinkle on her feet and legs. Her smooth skin and fuzzy hair are intoxicating. I love that right now she is fully mine. I can hold her and kiss her and talk to her all day and she never tires of me. She wants her mama, now.

But I know that soon she will want her independence. She will want to see the world and all the things in it. She will push away from me. She will choose other people over me. She will grow and she won't fit in my arms head to toe.

For now, I'm happy that she's mine. I'm glad to get one more chance for baby rolls, soft skin, smiles, laughs, nurses, snuggles, grunts, and to have that comforting and perfect weight in my arms.

Kefir Sourdough Bread

2008-12-01T18:02:00.000-08:00

I've been experimenting. I'm happy with the results.

Ok so here is what I did.

In the evening - ½ cup of kefir mixed well with ½ cup of rice flour. Let it sit overnight for 12 hours or more.

In the morning mix together 1 cup of rice flour, ½ cup millet, ½ cup of tapioca flour with 1 t salt, 1 T egg replacer, and 1 t of xanthan gum.

Put your kefir mix in your mixing bowl and add one beaten egg and an additional 1/2 cup of kefir then add the flour mixture by parts. Put it in a greased bread loaf pan (or I bet you can form it into a ballish shape and flatten on a baking sheet) and then put it in the oven with a pan of water. Turn on oven at 200 degrees for 7ish minutes then turn the oven off. Let it sit in the oven for 3 hours then turn the oven back on to 425 and bake for half an hour (leave the pan of water in the oven).

Its sooo good! Its more a heavy dinner bread than for sandwiches. We are having honey baked lentils tonight and I think this will go very well. It tastes quite sourdoughish. I bet if I added some baking powder and sugar it would rise nicely and become a lighter bread.

I plan to make it again this week but I'll double the recipe and I'll try the baking powder to see if I can get some more rise.

Uh, oh.

2008-12-01T09:57:00.000-08:00

The laptop is messed up. Some bad virus. A Trojan, I think he said. The battery is also about to die and he thinks it may need a new motherboard.

On the plus side, if I have to sit in this uncomfortable chair to use the kids' ancient computer I might get a lot more housework done!

He persevering and trying everything he can to fix it. I'm walking around mumbling apologies because I somehow downloaded a horrible virus. At least my files got backed up. I'd be really sad if I lost all my files and photos.

Thanksgiving and then some

2008-11-30T07:57:00.000-08:00

I don't have loads of wonderful Thanksgiving pictures but I do have this one. This is how our leftovers were packed up. My sister in law is a creative genius. I wish I came up with this idea!

I also don't have any photos of the GF mint chip brownies I made for Mar. Despite a disgusting beginning (yes garbanzo bean flour does taste exactly like garbanzo beans *shiver*) they turned out really well or at least the mint covered up the bean.

I'll also be conceited and say that my mashed yams with praline topping and green beans with bacon and onions were the best side dishes. Perhaps they are just my kind of foods.

Speaking of food I went on a hunt around town for GF flours. It looks like the health food store is really my only option. Like I said a few days ago I bought about 6 cups worth of flours to make the mix Bethany suggested and we've gone through it all. Pancakes are our weekend thing and I knew Mar would really want some so I headed out to our local discount grocery which has a huge range of bulk bins thinking that must have loads of flours. They do have lots of flour choices but only 2 GF options: white rice flour and corn meal. I then thought they might as least have something in the baking aisle. The only thing they had was the aforementioned garbanzo bean flour mix *shiver*.

I then decided to wander down the noodle and Asian foods aisle to look for rice noodles. The only option were Annie's Rice noodles and cheese for nearly $3 and typical stir fry noodles. Not what I wanted.

The breakfast meats were even worse. I walked out with a big bag of white rice flour and a box of Rice Chex.

After that I went to Fred Meyer with similar results. I wanted to cry.

We do have just enough of Bethany's mix and rice flour to make pancakes tomorrow. I hope they turn out.

In more positive news I finished a Christmas present. I love how this looks like a flower when its rolled up.

I started a Noro Striped scarf for someone I like a lot last night.

Grammar and other things

2008-11-29T09:25:00.000-08:00

I'm not that particular about grammar which is good because I never remember all the grammatical rules. I often make up works and have to spell check them. I use the wrong word that sounds similar to the correct one. I often skip punctuation and capitalization when texting.

Still there are things that I read online or in texts that get under my skin.

mouldy instead of molding. It seems so much dirtier and nasty perhaps because its wetter in England their mold is worse so they need a stronger for it.

cos instead of because. When I read that I hear a teenager who's sentences all sound like questions because they raise the pitch at end.

Misuse of they're, their, and there. Self explanatory. And if its not then I just don't know what to do with you.

Dumb teenager texts like RU in place of are you. I get especially annoyed by the ones that only save 1 letter as in rite instead of right or 2day instead of today.

I'm not a total grouch and am down with LOL and BTW and a few others that make sense in my special world.

I know there are bigger things and more important things to care about and I know its shallow. But I also know many of you, dear readers (all 3 of you), also care and are annoyed. So what annoys you?

Warning!

2008-11-28T06:09:00.000-08:00

this may become boring for some of you. Since the diagnosis I've been pouring over websites looking for information about GF (Gluten-Free). I ordered 2 cookbooks last night that I hope will be helpful.

I decided that today would be the day I would try to make her some bread. She's been unhappy the last few days without "bread foods" for breakfast.

So I used Bethany's recipe for flour (2 parts brown rice flour, 2/3 part potato starch, 1/3 part tapioca flour) and followed my usual bread recipe and put it in my bread machine after a careful cleaning.

While it did produce results

Its not exactly what I was hoping would happen.

It actually is tasty

but it tastes more like biscuits or an unsweetened cake than bread.

The top is very pale in comparison to the sides and bottom which have a nice crust. As you can see its also very cracked.

The bottom did even worse than the top.

Not all the flour was mixed in.

Which is probably because the dough looked more like batter

It never formed that ball in the middle that wheat bread forms.

That does mean that GF might be easier to make though by hand as there won't be any kneading needed.

I think I learned a lot though and will make some changes next time. I'll mix all the dough/batter by hand then pour into a pan to bake. I'll try the oven next time and brush on melted butter to help the top brown up. Then I'll go from there.

Outside of GF there are other things happening in my kitchen.

I got a kefir grain from Stacey last Friday and by Monday it was yielding some nice yogurty smelling kefir. I kept Monday and Tuesdays small batches in the fridge to which I added Wednesdays along with some vanilla extract and Marionberry jam. Shook and served. It was delicious! The kids won't touch it though. I've got weird kids that won't drink smoothies. Mar has texture issues and Grey is just picky. Shawn has hesitantly agreed to give it a try.

Gabrielle, have you seen these?

2008-11-27T10:53:00.000-08:00

Gumdrop Cookie Shop

These are cookies!

You can draw on!

This one is just fate.

Gluten Free

2008-11-26T06:08:00.000-08:00

I received Amara's IgG full report and she is allergic to gluten. She also has a low moderate reaction to citrus and cranberries. This is going to change all our lives but especially hers.

Currently I'm doing research and trying to figure things out (like what is the difference between wheat gluten and wheat giladin?). Our current plan is to put her on a completely gluten and citrus free diet for a month and eliminate all foods that tested close to the moderate range. I want to see if her symptoms are improved by the diet changes.

I've talked to one gluten free friend and know a couple of more that I'll drive batty with questions. I purchased a few gluten free items for her today because being 6 she won't be happy just quitting all crackers, breads, tortillas, pasta, cereal, etc. I purchased Bob's Red Mill gluten free flour mixture and enough alternative flours to make 6 cups of a flour mixture that Bethany suggested. I'm going to try both mixes for breads, cookies, pancakes, and crusts to see which we like best.

Bethany's Gluten-Free flour mix

I'm going to read the literature that the lab sent but I don't trust it. Her doctor said to cut out wheat and gluten but the menu the lab suggested still has it included. I might end up speaking with a dietitian that takes allergies seriously and get her recommendations. I don't want to make things worse by following the wrong advice.

I also need to learn about hidden gluten. From a conversation with a woman in Lifesource today it seems that wheat is in all sorts of things like soy sauce and vinegar that one might not consider.

I need to research how to live gluten free frugally. I'm thinking that rice noodles and other rice products from the Asian food stores would be a good place to start but can I trust that they don't have trace gluten? Is it better to buy in bulk and if so from Lifesource, Azure Standard, or Frontier?

Its a lot to take in. For the holidays I'm just focusing on buying only certified gluten free products and using them sparingly while making sure she is not excluded from Christmas cookies and Thanksgiving pies. My girl deserves good memories not "the year I couldn't eat anything at Christmas".

I'm so thankful that her allergies are moderate and I'd like to keep them that way. When she's older she can decide how she wants to include gluten and citrus in her life if at all. For now my job is to protect her which means that she won't be eating it.

Her first official gluten-free breakfast: an egg, slice of cheddar, cantaloupe and blueberries in yogurt sauce.

P.S. I just read in the booklet that hot dogs have gluten in them. Hot dogs? Its like corn syrup! It seems to be everywhere. I'm going to have to become an expert label reader.

I am very right handed

2008-11-25T06:29:00.000-08:00

and I remember at some point in middle school learning that generally meant that one was very left brained. "Left brained" apparently means you are more logical than emotional. At that time I was really happy to learn this as I wanted to more masculine and less of an "emotional female". There was a big push then to tell us girls that we were just as good as boys. This sentiment totally back fired on me. If you have to tell me we are just as good then the implication is that someone doesn't agree otherwise it would just be understood. Plus I watched a lot of TV then and well, its brain rot with all the uncreative stereotypical roles (ie Dads are only into sports and somehow trick their wives into sex, Moms are always right and use sex as a tool to get what they want [excellent marriage example, btw], kids are usually smarter than their parents who are completely clueless, girls are only interested in boys and being pretty, etc).

Lately I've come to see myself in a slightly different light than as a logical left brained person. As a mother I've softened a lot. And as B put it, I'm a definitely a girl. I'm emotional and sensitive. I often worry too much. I make decisions from my heart more than my brain.

I am okay with this. Me and my virtually worthless left hand don't mind being girly.